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Transformation

The 7 Spiritual Laws of Love and Relationships

How to ask the right questions of yourself and your partner

by Donnalynn Civello

February 14, 2019

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For many, love is a painful cycle of karmic retribution: we fall in love, love breaks apart and we are left heart broken until the cycle begins again. But we rarely stop to ask ourselves why: why are we experiencing these cycles? Why do we continue to attract a certain type of lover and repeat the same pattern? What’s it all for?

We are a part of an electromagnetic universe dedicated to our individual and collective soul growth, and it works on our behalf to help us evolve. The universe clearly understands that our human evolution is contingent on the development of our emotions, and that love is one of the most comprehensive hallmarks of our soul’s evolution. In other words, love is one of the key indicators of our evolution; there’s no greater teacher to help us expand ourselves.

But we need to be open to receiving that wisdom. When it comes to relationships, there are seven unique laws that govern the way we experience love. These laws of love and relationships are meant to help you reframe the past struggles and challenges, and begin to understand why things work out the way they do.

Once you learn the secrets of love and the way it supports your soul’s development, you will never see your love life the same way again.

01// The Law of ATTRACTION: Like attracts like.

When I say we have the wrong idea about love, we think we have to be in a relationship to feel loved, but love isn’t necessarily something you get from someone, it’s a state of being within yourself.

We are all expressions of divine love from the creator and once we embrace the love that we are, we’re able to attract that love outside of us. So from that deep place of love within, everything else emanates. Everything is energy and energy attracts onto itself the same, so when you realize you are love, you will attract love, but that love first has to come from YOU, because it’s yours. Simply put, when you love yourself, you attract love.

Love isn’t necessarily something you get from someone, it’s a state of being within yourself.

How do you love yourself? The universe cannot tell the difference between you loving yourself or you just doing things you love. It only reads the vibration of “love,” so when you do the things you love (yoga, running, meditation, reading, etc…), it will raise your spiritual vibration and subsequently begin to attract onto you people who are running a similarly high vibration. So begin to focus on the things you love, and in time you will learn to transmute the energy for yourself.

Remember, it’s not about where you go to find love, it’s where you are within yourself that determines who you will meet. Like will always attract like. It’s spiritual law.

Ask Yourself: do you know what you’re attracting?

02 // The Law of CONSCIOUSNESS: Own what’s yours and give the rest back.


We come into relationships with certain life lessons to learn and they show up as our “buttons.” In relationships, we each have our own buttons and our partner’s job is to press those buttons. In doing so, they bring up our own stuff so we can address it and heal it.

Generally speaking, when our buttons are pressed, our first reaction is to get angry or blame our partner for upsetting us. But it’s not their job to walk on eggshells around us; it’s our job to make sure that we are fully in control of whether or not those buttons get pressed.

Where there is consciousness in a relationship, both people can identify what their issues are and identify and accept responsibility for their part in any drama. Where there is consciousness, there will always be a solution. When you are conscious, you can own your own bull—and not hold your partner accountable for it. Once you own what’s yours, you can give the rest back to them to work on.

Ask Yourself: How conscious are you in your relationship? Do you know what your buttons are? Do you know what your partner’s buttons are? Are you conscious once those buttons have been pressed?

03 // The Law of RESISTANCE: Transform by experiencing contrast.


No one gets a great relationship because they want one or because they think they deserve it, they get it because they do the work to get it. And the work is arduous when any form of resistance shows up. But resistance is very purposeful; it slows you down so you can rethink your strategy.

Resistance is a way of showing you that you can no longer proceed the way you’ve been going. It’s telling you that you need to make change and come at this relationship differently: in a stronger, wiser and deeper way.

For example, when long distance gets introduced to a relationship, it requires a stronger verbal connection because the physical connection is no longer available. The resistance of long distance allows for both partners to take time to work on themselves and work on their personal growth. Long distance is a resistance that can ultimately strengthen a relationship by leading to better communication.

Ask Yourself: How do you deal with the resistance in your relationships? What do you do when you hit a wall? Do you take it as a wake up call and re-route your strategy or do you try and break it down with the same behaviors?

04 // The Law of LETTING GO – Let go of what isn’t working to make room for what will.


You have to create space if you want to bring change in.

If you hold onto the old, you are telling the universe that you’re not yet ready to give it up for a new experience. In this case, you don’t get a new experience, you keep the old.

I tell people that you get one soul mate in a cup — only one. This means you only get one significant relationship at a time. Do you have a transitional soulmate or a primary soul mate in that cup? It is best to know the difference.

Transitional soul mates are the most challenging. Often, we are physically attracted to these souls. There is an intensity to the relationship that can bring you to your knees in drama. These souls bring up our fears and push us to our emotional extremes. These relationships could easily be dubbed as ‘toxic’ but it doesn’t stop us from obsessing over being with this person. For the record, this is never a real relationship; it’s always a lesson. These individuals walk us over a bridge to our primary soul mate.

Primary soul mates are much easier, more harmonious and more balanced. These are the souls whom you have a contract with to marry and have children. This relationship lacks drama and dysfunction; it’s much more balanced and feel like your best friend or a family member. This is the relationship that is meant to last a lifetime so the physical connection is not the leading connection. Other connections are more prominent, such as spiritual, intellectual, amicable and familial. It is clear that a sense of trust and security pervades in this relationship.

Not everyone you date is a soul mate.

Soul mates are only those very special relationships where there is a spark and strong connection between the two of you. You instantly recognize them as someone you have walked many lives with before. But now the question remains: “which soul mate do you have in that cup?” Is that soul representing a real relationship or is it just a lesson?

Ask Yourself: Who’s in your cup? Is it a relationship or is it a lesson?

05 // The Law of Communication: You do not get what you do not ask for.


Healthy relationships work when there is mutual understanding and communication; your partner is not a mind reader. If you need something, you have to ask for it. You do not get what you do not ask for, and you have no one to blame but yourself. Open the paths of clear communication and you might be surprised how in sync you really are.

Many humans at this time have a life lesson of self-expression and communication.

In this age, finding your voice and expressing it kindly, constructively and compassionately is very important as we evolve.

This makes relationships very challenging because it is about expressing yourself in a way that others can hear you and feel inspired to make change.

Most people either don’t say what they need to say in a relationship and just stuff it down, or they say it negatively and cut people down with their words. Both are equally detrimental in a partnership.

Ask Yourself: Am I speaking my truth? And am I speaking it in a way where they can hear me and where they feel inspired to make change?

06 // The Law of Choices — You don’t always get what you want; you get what you choose.


You cannot change people; accept them for who they are, and if who they are doesn’t work for you, make another choice. What you cannot do is choose someone and then beat them up for not being what you want. You may not get what you want in life, but you will always get what you choose. So make it easier on yourself and kinder on them: make a better choice upfront.

All too often we make the mistake of choosing someone we love, and then trying to change them when we find out they do not meet our full criteria. What you want in life and what you choose is not the same thing, so as the right questions to your potential partner before committing to them. Once you are together, you are going to get who they are, not who you thought they were.

Ask Yourself: Do I want this person or do I just want the idea of this person? Does the reality of the relationship match up to your expectations?

07 // The Law of Boundaries: If you do not set a boundary, it will always be crossed.


You can never expect to get what you want if you accept less than what you want. If you accept less than you deserve, why would anyone give you more? You get what you accept and only what you accept, so if what you are accepting isn’t good enough for you, send it back and tell the universe to try again. After all, if you are accepting crumbs, you’ll never get the full loaf or bread.

But many of us accept crumbs from our partners for a very long time, and then we wake up angry that we have been starving for so long. Sometimes it’s more important to realize that a relationship is not worth the emotional pain. It is best to do without those emotional crumbs, let your stomach shrink and in the meanwhile, give the universe time to find your perfect 24-hr bakery.

Ask Yourself: Am I accepting less than I deserve? Have I set a boundary of self-love for myself?

There is a secret to the way love works If you really understand these principles and integrate them into your world, your relationships will dramatically shift. It is universal law.